The Unimagined Life

Sam and I have always mocked the childbirth scenes played out on TV and in the movies: woman's water breaks in a frenzy, she starts screaming wildly, and then dramatically pushes baby out. We know things don't happen that way, and that labor is a long and drawn out process.

Man are we eating crow now.

A few weeks ago I was dilated 1cm, and showing all of the tell-tale signs that baby was on his way. At my next prenatal appointment on 9/4/12, I had the midwife check again to see what progress I had made, certain I was at least 3cm at this point. Nope. Maybe 1 1/2 cm. I left a tad deflated, assuring Sam that I was not disappointed, but really was. I prepared myself that baby would not arrive until around his due date of 9/17/12, not the early arrival I had predicted, especially given the contractions I felt every night the previous 2-3 weeks. 

The Braxton-Hicks contractions had kicked into gear all of my nesting instincts. Laundry had been washed, folded, put away, kitchen cabinets cleaned out, a list typed to give to our neighbors/friends who agreed to help with Ada and Q while we were off laboring, rooms rearranged a couple million times, and list(s) bursting with last minute "to-do" items. I'd been prepping Sam for an early labor, encouraging him to get his stuff done.

I had determined on Tuesday the 4th that things would not be happening as quickly as I thought, slacked off, and let things go. 

Then Thursday morning rolled around.

I woke up at 6:30am and wondered to myself, "what the heck did you eat?" My stomach was in such knots, that I was sure I was suffering from some kind of intestinal distress - I didn't realize that I had about 3 good contractions. I told Sam after the 3rd one, "I don't feel so well. I'm going to hop in the shower."  Enter contraction 4, in the shower, me doubled over in pain, screaming at the top of my lungs.

30 minutes later, I am on all fours, on our bed, unable to move, talk, or cope with whatever the heck was wrong with me. It had not yet occurred to me that I was in labor, because "it doesn't happen this fast." I had fleeting thoughts that something might actually be wrong. Nothing was wrong, I just went from sleeping to transition labor in a matter of 30 minutes.

Meanwhile, I am looking at the basket of clean clothes that needed folding, thinking about the load in the dryer, wondering how I was going to get to the grocery store to pick up some food for the kids because we were kind of low, and learning that Ada peed her bed the night before and the sheets needed changing. Oh, and we hadn't even pulled the infant car seat from the attic yet.

I text our friend Kristy, a newly certified birth doula who planned to help us during labor and delivery, "I need you. In a lot of pain and not coping well with it. Please come now." 

It has not occurred to me yet that I should probably call the midwife, I am not convinced I am in labor, and besides, I have too much to get done that day!

Sam is running around the house in his boxers, trying to change Quentin's diaper, brush his teeth (forget taking a shower), trying to decide who we should call, wondering what is wrong with me, certain that if we go into the hospital they are just going to send me home. He suggests calling the midwife. She tries to talk with me, realizes I can't talk and tells Sam to get me in --  we are having a baby. Me, "really, this fast?!?!"

At this point, the contractions are maybe 1 minute apart, and I am getting NO relief between them -- the back labor is atrocious, and the pain won't go away between the serious contractions. It's like one long, hellish contraction that won't end.

I say, "Call Betty!" She is at work. "Call Ashley!!" We drag our poor neighbor who is a night owl out of bed (it is about 8:15am at this point, I think). I strain to give her basic info on who her back-up is, that Ada peed the bed and she will have to change the sheets, that Q needs milk in about 1/2 an hour. Sam gives her "the list" I typed up. 

She tells me to go to the hospital.

I crawl into the 3rd row seating in our van, again on all fours, wailing, cussing (and not the pansy-four-letter-words...only the one's that really count), screaming, telling Sam, "they had better give me an epidural, because I can't do this! I know I said I didn't want one, but this is horrible!" I am wailing, crying, and all out making a big scene, mad as hell that the drivers in front of us are not moving fast enough, and that it takes all of 6 floors in the parking garage to FINALLY find a parking space. At one point, I really think the best thing for me to do is to get out on Broad street in urban Richmond, and walk myself to the hospital. This is rational thinking, right?

We then have to travel through the maze that is the Medical College of Virginia. The first elevator is taking too stinkin' long. The men and women who travel with us on the elevator are talking in nervous chatter about me being in labor, giving the obligatory Southern, "Oh, bless her heart!" I want to punch someone in the face as I am doubled over, using the elevator rail and my hospital suitcase as support. 

Quit talking to me. Just everyone be quiet.

The elevator doors open, and I am off, like I've trained all of my life for the Olympics. 

Just. Get. Me. To. The. Delivery. Room. NOW!!!!

I arrive, inform the midwife that she is giving me an epidural. She is calm. Our doula is calm. I am not. Sam is wondering what the heck just happened. I just ripped him out of bed, wailing at the top of my lungs.

I learn that I am 10cm. I also learn that as soon as she breaks my water, I am going to have this baby, and that there is no time for an epidural. I start shouting, "I am so pissed!! I am so pissed off right now!!!!"  Over, and over, and over. I really wanted that epidural.

At some point Sam informs me, "this is the last time you will ever have to do this!" I look at him as though I'm going to gouge his eyeballs out. He is trying not to laugh, knowing full well that I will likely gouge his eyeballs out.

The midwife breaks my water. We all wait for me to start pushing.

The baby refuses to come out. He wants to come out sunny-side up, just like his brother. 

We wait. We wait more. All of this time I am cussing, shouting, mad at everyone in the room that they won't do anything. I want an epidural NOW. The pain is intolerable, and the back labor won't end. They are all patient and inform me that the epidural is on its way, but they are not moving fast enough for my taste. Sam is thinking how unreasonable I am being (he tells me later, of course, when I am more reasonable). 

I then move to begging, "Please help me. This was so fast!! I am not capable of doing this!" I am bawling like a baby. I want someone to have mercy on me.

They finally give me an epidural, and I turn into the sweetest, nicest, most compliant laboring woman you've ever seen. The best part is while administering the epidural, I look over and see my husband laying on the floor. Apparently large needles going into my back make the man a tad queasy. Oops! 

Can you say "hospital incident report?" We can.

Things have finally calmed down. I begin to feel more and more pressure. Our midwife, who is also in the process of delivering a baby in the next room comes in to check on my hunch that baby is coming out. Sure enough - Lee is on his way! She has to tell the woman next door, that the Mom who is on her third baby that is ready to fall out has to be attended to now. First time Mama's take a tad more time pushing babies out. Makes sense to me, but I sure do feel bad for first time Mama (because I am being nice now, you see -- two hours before I would have knocked her down like a linebacker).

Our midwife, Meaghan (who delivered Quentin, by the way, and remembered what a complicated, marathon labor that was), coaches me along in pushing. She has me reach my hands down, wrap my fingers around his head, then his torso, then helps me catch my own baby and bring him into this world. I get to cut the cord. It was the most amazing, incredible, and fantastic ending to a panic-stricken, super-fast, furious, and very painful labor. 

Every last one of us was crying. 

I then realize how horrible I was to everyone and start doling out the apologies. Not my most graceful labor, but the birth itself was beautiful. I am trying not to beat myself up for "not coping well," but remind myself that I had the perfect ending to what amounted to a 5-hour labor. My birth plan to "have baby" really did work.

I have learned after 3 kids, that every pregnancy is different, every birth is different, every experience is different. All of them as different as each one of our amazing children are. 

The best part is that not only do feel I instantaneous love for Lee, but he makes me love Ada and Quentin even more, if that is possible. 

I never imagined myself with 3 children, but I think I'm learning that the unimagined life is a million times better than anything I could dream up myself. 

Yes, we have crazy bills, bad days, tempers, bickering, sickness, sadness, little sleep, and lots of disappointments - but my babies are perfect, my husband is good to me, and I have many things to be grateful for. 

Thank you, Lee, for putting it all into perspective.

Little Copy Cat

Wonder what's been going on in our house lately...

Squish Me

Yesterday was a fairly miserable day. Just not a good parenting day for either of us, which I blame on lack of sleep for all five of us (Stella is included in this!), and am glad it is in the past. 

We met Ada's new teacher, Mrs. Ragland today. Ada got to see her new classroom, and learn where her "own cubby" with her blanket, rest mat, and school supplies now live. While she still needs to learn her right from her left, she nailed the word rhyming assessment, something Sam and I were unaware she was even skilled at. We spent the morning at the park with Quentin, and then the entire family went to my 38-week prenatal appointment to listen to Lee's perfect heartbeat. 

Not a bad day.

She made a special picture for me this evening and it brought me to tears (privately, of course!). I am going to miss having her around during the day and regret any days I've taken for granted. 

She decided tonight that she would prep her own baked potato at dinner, "because I am going to school now, so I can do it myself." That totally works for me.

She is dealing with some big emotions as of late (her friends who have been with us almost daily for the last 18 months have all gone off to school), she has another brother coming soon, I'm pretty sure she is going through a growth spurt, and she is transitioning into some seriously new territory next Monday. She has been extra clingy, and shifts from being sweet to a tad sour very quickly. I am trying to be patient, and relish in the extra affection she is asking for, one of which is a request to play with her hair and "squish" her (a.k.a. cuddle!). 

While the day wasn't perfect -- there was whining, a few fits, and butting heads -- it was a special day all the same, spent together all 4 of us.

Getting Ready

I'm dilated 1-2cm

Feeling mild contractions every night

Things are happening, folks

Fall Risk

I keep telling people that this pregnancy has been "the easiest of all three," the "most mellow and laid back," without all of the worry of the first, and the guilt of the second. I am beginning to reexamine my claim!

The first trimester brought a serious sinus infection, coupled with bronchitis. Sam was in Seattle, and I had kids to take care of, so fell apart when he returned.

The second trimester was marked with a horrible bladder infection trying to turn into a kidney infection that sent us to the emergency department, and required our very nice neighbor to spend the night with Ada and Quentin. A heavy dose of antibiotics, and a bag of IV fluid to cure me from nasty dehydration did the trick.

The third trimester has now brought a sprained ankle, ripped up knee, and in total, 3 separate falls over the course of 2 1/2 weeks. The baby is fine, but I am worse for the wear. My center of gravity is off, I have a bad foot, and it seems I can't walk across the room without fear that I will be taken down by some force greater than me. It also doesn't help that I have two clubs for feet due to recent swelling from poor circulation, which  occurred after the fall, which of course happened in public, on the sidewalk, with a skirt on. Let's just say that the fall was neither discreet nor graceful. The last 2 falls have been less dramatic, but way more embarrassing.  

I need to stop telling people that this is an easy pregnancy and have this baby already.

Both of our children crying and throwing tantrums. You can tell I  am phased.

We returned from a lovely trip to Oregon with soaked-through baggage and car seats (thank you Chicago O'Hare, for leaving our belongings out in your nasty ole' weather).

Our perfect-to-us, well-behaved, well-mannered, no-accidents-litter-box-trained, and patient feline showed us she was mad at us for being gone for 2 weeks by pooping all over our bed while we were in Oregon, and was flea-bitten when we returned. The poop was easy to clean up, the fleas...not so much. Still working on that issue, which was not an issue before we left for Oregon. Welcome home, honey!!

Both of the kids have been sick -- double ear infections, crazy fevers, sore throats, cranky, grumpy, screaming, and getting very little sleep. I am convinced that sleep issues with children would make even the most hardened criminal break down in a puddle of tears.

And just yesterday I had to file a fraud claim with our bank, as it seems someone we don't know is funneling small amounts of money out of our already modest bank account.

Thank goodness for this face:

Someone got into my makeup while I was changing his friend's diaper in the other room. That is a hairbrush in his right hand. He was brushing his hair when I found him, apparently getting ready for a big date.

It's OK. 

You can laugh with me, just please don't laugh at me. 

I seem to cry these days when you do that.

I am reminded of this post from Sam, pre-children.

We'll be back. Promise.

Until then, you can watch Ada's rehearsal with her friend, Sophie, performing one of the songs they learned at VBS this year. There were many more children during the service, but it would have been awkward for me to record then. 

What June?

I am aware it has been a month since I posted. There has been so much going on, and I finally feel like I am getting things together, but not really...

Roses from my Mom's backyard. 

Playing in our front yard. 

I took the kids back to Oregon for about a week to be with my Mom following my Stepfather's passing from leukemia on June 5th. There was so much to do, and we are all still recovering from all of that, here and in Oregon. You learn things after people are gone, and what I learned about Oscar was that he was an incredible artist. I knew he could draw, but I had no idea the talent he possessed. His Dad, a full-blooded Cherokee Indian, painted and/or sketched around 600 pieces (mostly Native American portraits), and while I don't think Oscar's collection was that extensive, it is impressive, and he had a style all his own. I'm grateful I had the opportunity to learn that about him.


I can't muster up a graceful transition from the above to the rest of this post, so will just dive in.

I flew back to Richmond with the kids, alone, had a day to rest, and then we went to DC to be with friends. It was nice to see them even though the weather was miserably hot, and it was very humid. I started having mild contractions while walking for what seemed like forever in the awful heat. I look forward to visiting again when I am not pregnant, and when the temps are humane. My midwife told me to take it easy the rest of the summer, especially given the fact it is supposed to be 103 out tomorrow, with a heat index of 110!! I'll admit I had quite a little scare in DC, and put the skids on our fun, but nothing rest and hydration didn't fix.

The day after DC we had a crazy storm that blew through Richmond, causing extensive damage to the trees on our street (and throughout the city). I'm talking about a crazy-violent storm that made me take the kids down to the lowest point in the house, if not to be "safer" from a potential tornado, but to keep us "safer" from a massive tree falling on the house. We have had storms off and on since then, and two weeks later our neighbors finally have their electricity (although some people still don't), and the tree in front of our house has 2 large, dry, and brittle branches hanging from it. The only inconvenience we experienced was no internet, land line or TV for over a week. Turns out you do a lot of talking when that happens, and come to find out Sam and I really do like each other. :) 

Pics of the storm are at the bottom of this post.

Quentin rarely sits still for anything, but the City came out to clean up the tree damage, and Q  was in awe of the "big" "trucks" lining our street. I am not fibbing when I tell you he watched for 1 whole hour.  The only other thing I've noticed recently that made him stand still for a moment was when he caught a glimpse of The Empire Strikes Back on TV - stopped him dead in his tracks and he started grunting and pointing like a wild animal. I see my future flashing before me. 

We are tickled that Ada got into the preschool program we were hoping for. She will be a Linwood-Holton Lion this next year. She spelled CAT for the first time on her own today, without any coaching from us (or really any knowledge that she was writing it). Her Dad was mighty impressed...Mom was not surprised in the slightest.  :)

Last weekend we decided to get out of dodge and play together as a family. We went to Lake Anna and had a blast together in the water. I think it's the most fun the kids have ever had to be honest. Mixed in  all of this has been "Mad Science" camp for Ada, library trips, prenatal/eye doctor/dental appointments, and the 4th of July. Richmond celebrates Independence Day all week, and I am not joking. There are firework shows just about every night...in fact, I hear the fireworks going off in the city now! The poor dogs...

We are having fun listening to his unfolding and expanding verbal skills. The sweet sound of him saying butterfly cancels out the not-so-sweet sound of him saying "No!" Other words include: Baby, Kitty, Dog, Bird, among several others. 

 

Attempting to force feed me an Oreo, which would have been fine if it weren't covered in spit, dirt, and grass.

Ada gives everyone that comes to the house something from the yard. A flower, weed, or leaf. You come over, you're leaving with something from the yard. At Lake Anna it was some sort of weed that was a gift for me.

We look forward to a neighborhood BBQ tomorrow - especially the sprinklers, and kiddie-pool. 

We also really look forward to going back to Oregon for our vacation in 2 weeks to see family, and to let the kids play with their cousins.

Until then, I am going to pretend I have some semblance of control over life (ha!), and attempt to get organized...wait, I just realized I never called my mother-in-law back. 

Argh! 

Forgive me, Maribeth!

Pics from our storm:

Moments after the storm...this branch was right in the middle of the street. Notice the other branch hanging over the front yard of our neighbor's house (there is another one hanging above it).

Directly across the street from our house - there was a little car sitting underneath this mess, and our neighbor drove it away without a mark on it...now their fence was a different story. See the tree branch to your left between his house and the white house. Took out the fence gate, and that was the only property damage!! Amazing.

Close up

Swept clean by yours truly just 6 hours prior to the storm, of course.

Sam helping our neighbor clean up the mess over their fence.

View from our front stoop

The number 2 reason I love our neighborhood -- everyone pitches in to help. The number 1 reason is the community these people have built for all of our kids. Good people, I tell you!